Howdy, Puppet Nation! Grab your popcorn and buckle up for a wild ride because today, we’re diving into a story that’s so strange, you might think it’s straight out of a Hollywood script.

A U.S. Customs and Border Protection dog, a true American hero, recently discovered something peculiar in a traveler’s luggage returning from Africa. And no, it wasn’t your run-of-the-mill drugs or smuggled gold. Oh, no, Puppet Nation! It was something far more”unusual. What was it, you might ask? Well, my friends, it was mummified monkeys!

But wait, there’s more! The traveler, who shall remain unnamed to protect their identity (and our collective sanity), claimed they brought the monkeys into the U.S. for”get this”their own consumption. I mean, talk about exotic cuisine! However, the U.S. isn’t quite ready to embrace this level of variety in our dining options, so raw or minimally processed meat from wild animals, a.k.a. “bushmeat,” is banned because of the risk of disease.

Now, hold onto your hats, Puppet Nation, because it gets even better (or worse, depending on your perspective). This specific shipment of mummified monkeys carried the potential to spread more than just an odd taste it could’ve also spread the dreaded Ebola virus. Yep, you read that right.

Our trusty and dutiful CPB agents were quick to seize the luggage and mark nearly 9 pounds (4 kilograms) of bushmeat for destruction by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Although no charges were filed, let’s hope this little episode serves as a reminder to our foreign friends that “when in Rome, do as the Romans do” but leave the exotic meats at home.

Puppet’s Points:

• We may pride ourselves on freedom of speech, but we draw the line at freedom of bushmeat.
• “Eat local” takes on a whole new meaning when your meal includes mummified monkeys. Bon appétit?
• In case you needed a reminder, America will never embrace the flavor of Ebola as haute cuisine.
• Puppet Nation, may we never forget the brave and discerning nose of our loyal CPB dogs that keep us safe from alien proteins”and other nasties!

Quote:
As Benjamin Franklin once wisely said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” In this case, it seems wisdom should have dictated leaving those mummified monkeys behind!

And remember, Puppet Nation, the fleece stops here!